Cosleeping and Marital Intimacy

pic from here
There are is an abundant amount of changes and challenges that occur when you go from a couple to a family unit. These challenges have the potential to deepen and intensify the meaning of a marriage – it also brings the prospect of having the intimacy sucked out like a black hole.

Having a child or children is not always effortless when it comes to continuing to build on intimacy in your marriage. (Who am I kidding, it’s hard as hell) Life becomes demanding. There is less talking. There is a lot less learning about each other’s day, each other’s goals and passions. Sometimes we just rush, rush, rush to get dinner done, the house cleaned, bathes finished, laundry folded, mow the lawn, empty the dishwasher, did the cat just throw up on the carpet? Damn it. Ahhhhhh, the never ending list! 

Meaning, having a child in the bed is not what makes intimacy difficult – it’s having a baby period, which ultimately leads to juggling time (intimate or not) to be very challenging. 

Many naysayers challenge cosleeping arrangements with the argument that it intrudes on sexual relations between mom and dad. While proponents claim there are creative (and fun) ways around it. So, which is it? 

First, I think it’s important to recognize that intimacy is not just sex. Secondly, if there is less sex in a marriage it could be because there is a baby, not because of where the baby sleeps (or lack of sleeping in some cases).

If both you and your husband understand and agree about the benefits of cosleeping, there is no doubt you'll be able to work out any challenges that arise (no pun intended).

Each and every marriage is different – if cosleeping works or doesn’t work for a family then that’s that. It’s better to have a better marriage either way, then cosleeping and resenting the other person about it.

Personally, knowing that my husband values my daughters’ psychological and emotional wellbeing as much as I do is a turn on all by itself. It also makes those moments that we do get to cuddle, hug, and kiss out of this world.

Cosleeping has been around for a very long time and the human population hasn’t disappeared yet. Somehow, those people are getting busy.

Once you deicide that cosleeping works for your family, being spontaneous and creative seem to work quite well. Sneaking around and finding ways to share a physical moment hold the potential to add a new level to the relationship. If it doesn’t work, then change it. It solely depends on your family dynamics.

One of the best gifts we can give to our children is a healthy, connected marriage – emotionally, spiritually and physically.  Whether that incorporates cosleeping, well – that’s up to you!

5 Useless Medical Practices Used On Children

Caring for children comes naturally and adults have been caring for children for as long as our species has been around, but the discipline of pediatrics emerged just barely a century ago. The emergence of pediatrics as a specialty in medicine was merely one example of a broader trend we have experienced in institutional medicine

It would seem that we have come a long way in our advances in pediatrics (and in medicine in general)– however, many of the common procedures in use today in children are not as useful as we are led to believe...

Tympanostomy Tubes

Tympanostomy tubes are what a doctor might describe to parents as ear tubes. Their main purpose: ventilation in the hopes to prevent the accumulation of fluid in the ear that might possibly cause hearing loss.

The average age for ear tube insertion is only 12 months to three years old. In many case, younger than a year old.

Over 700,000 lucky infants and toddlers get the honor to undergo general anesthesia and have their ears sliced open.

This is exactly what tympanostomy tubes look like

The million dollar question is: Do inserting tubes in the ear help with hearing loss or future risk of ear infections?

Parents are warned that if fluid in the middle ear loiters around due to reoccurring ear infections, it holds a possibly that it could impair hearing loss and even cause problems with speech..possibly learning.

What watchful and caring parent would not want to prevent such devastating consequences when it could be avoided??

Literature and studies over several decades illustrate no such evidence, in fact, a few studies have confirmed that those with ear tubes suffer greater damage to their eardrums. Some even have poorer hearing after the tubes were removed. Say Wha?!


Just to recap again - there is little to no evidence of a significant relationship between a history of ear infections and children’s academic skills in the future.

Even the American Academy of Pediatrics found that the steady increase in tympanostomy tube procedures to be a bit fishy. In 2004, they published updated clinical guidelines, written to avoid unneeded surgery, emphasizing that the problem usually resolves itself within three  months without the surgery. 
Still, this impractical procedure is still being pushed on unsuspecting parents and their children. Of course there are severe circumstances in which it can be benefical, however, every case should be examined closely.

Instead of placing plastic tubes in little ones ears, how about doctors start by educating parents early on to avoid ear infections as best they can in the first place? Is that too logical? I don’t get it. Here, I’ve done some reading for them:

-Don’t feed babies bottles lying down

-Don’t let people smoke around the baby (duh)

-Ear infections are mostly secondary to the common cold – practice good hygiene and wash your damn hands and cover your mouth when you cough

-Breastfeed for as long as possible

Water Fluorination

Yes – fluoride purposely placed in your water supply for the sole purpose of medicating the population (particularly children) in preventing cavities is absolutely ridiculous. Especially when there are easy available alternatives to prevent cavities, such as – yup, you guessed it – a toothbrush!

Cats love licking toothbrushes with their dirty ass tongues and
putting their paws covered in liter in glasses of water.

The fluoride used for water fluoridation does not have FDA approval and is considered an "unapproved drug".

In fact, fluoridated water is no longer recommended for babies (yes, you read that right). In November of 2006, the American Dental Association (ADA) advised that parents should avoid giving babies and infants fluoridated water.

Umm, then why are we still doing this? AND PAYING FOR IT!?

When water fluoridation began in the 1940s and '50s, dentists believed that fluoride needed to be swallowed in order to be most effective. This belief, however, has now been discredited by an extensive body of modern research. Fluoride has a minimal benefit when swallowed, while carrying the possibility of many risks.

Risks Include:

BRAIN DAMAGE- The National Research Council states that fluoride can damage the brain and can cause dementia-like effects (at the same concentration used to fluoridate water). Yikes! Also adverse effects on IQ among children have been documented.

THYRIOD. DAMAGE- Did you know that fluoride is an endocrine disrupter. What does that mean exactly - well it means that drinking fluoridated water may reduce the function of the thyroid – which can lead to loss of mental acuity, weight gain and depression. What a downer.

SPECIAL CONCERN FOR KIDNEY PATIENTS- The deal with mass fluorination is that water does not discriminate- People with kidney problems have a heightened susceptibility to fluoride toxicity. As a result, drinking water that contains fluoride can accumulate in the bones and cause a painful bone disease (renal osteodystrophy) in kidney disease patients.

A much more common and increasingly prone problem specifically within children is dental fluorosis which is caused by the ingestion of fluoride.

What does fluorosis look like? Well, it isn’t all that pretty. The enamel may be pitted, rough and especially difficult to clean. The spots and stains left by fluorosis are PERMANANT and may darken over time. Neat huh?

this is a picture of what Steve looked like before
ingesting flouride

One of the main arguments by those advocating water fluoridation is that it’s needed because it helps poor kids. But according to the Surgeon General in 2000, approximately 80 percent of children on goverment assistance (Medicaid) don’t receive any dental care because dentists don’t accept Medicaid Insurance.

Perhaps we could use the money used to pay to fluoridate our water supply to subsidize dental care for children? Hmmm…. oh, that’s just silly.


THE most common surgical procedure in the country is oddly not recommend or endorsed by any known medical organization on the planet Earth (however I’ve heard it’s mandatory on Uranus, Neptune and the northern factions of Pluto).

Neptune and Uranus are much more larger then Earth
which makes them right

Nonetheless, dozens of studies confirm the extreme pain of circumcision.  It has been labeled as among the most painful procedures performed in neonatal medicine.

Circumcision doesn’t cure anything; in fact it is a procedure in search of a disease

Diseases that circumcision has purportedly touted to cure among the last several decades range from masturbation (I’m not sure if this is considered a disease, rather its just iicky and boys should never touch wieners), epilepsy, schizophrenia, urinary tract infections, and cancer.

None of these have held up to scientific scrutiny.  

Overall, despite all of the medical literature, the popularity of the procedure rests on the idea of conformity.

don't be a cracker-jack

Isn’t that what we’re all about anyways? People that are unique are weirdos anyways.

Well-Child Visits

The first schedule for preventive child health care was created in the mid sixities by the Council on Pediatric Practice.  We’ve come so far from then…

The schedule since then has been modified many, many, many, many times – leading for moms and dads to have many opportunities to play Russian Roulette with their healthy newborn infants in the infested waiting rooms of doctor’s offices across the nation in hopes to learn how long their baby is.

here, let me spit in your mouth while I rub your face on my ass

Don’t get me wrong – the development and growth in the early months and years of children should be monitored in some way. However, quality of care outlined in each “well-baby” visit is greatly unimpressive.

Do you realize that nearly half of pediatricians agree there is sufficient time to perform developmental assessments in these visits?

Shoot – I can measure and weigh my baby in the safety of my own house. And those percentiles? What a joke. They only lend themselves as bragging rights for parents – “Little Timmy is in the 70% percentile” – “Oh, really, well little Annie is in the 150th percentile, bitch.

No, I have the biggest head, damn it.

There is a pressing need for better, more rational, and scientifically guided preventative care for children. In fact, there is very little research on the effectiveness of preventative pediatric care.

The current system is flailing. Trying harder will not work – changing systems of care will. Pediatricians cannot squeeze more into what limited time they are already working with.  

Developmental and behavioral problems of all types seem to be increasing AND occurring at younger ages – evidence that simply providing more as the same is not helping our children. The current approach to well-child care is inadequate and stands as a barrier to effective care.

Should you forego well-child visits all together? If you do, then you would be a part of an increasing lot of parents that question the value in them. The low rateof attendance at well-child visits is alarming pediatricians – but rather should be shown as evidence of a system of care that needs overhauled.


This isn’t a surprise, is it? Did you know that we are reaching an estimate of near half the time a child pays his or her doctor a visit they will leave with a prescription for antibiotics?! This includes sick visits AND routine well-child check-ups!

Antibiotics were an astounding advancement in the treatment of bacterial diseases, now it seems that doctors are prescribing them more and more for viral illness  (“just to be on the safe side”).

Didn't years in medical school teach them antibiotics aren't effective on a virus?

Doctors may be under the impression that children get better faster with antibiotics –research illustrates this is simply not true. Then throw in the fact that antibiotics carry very real side effects….PLUS, children are much more likely to suffer from those side effects such as diarrhea and abdominal pain (caused by the complete extermination of healthy flora in the gut).

Excuse me while I take my 5th dump this morning

The reckless practice of making it rain with antibiotics is harmful to children and to the environment. Children may seem to get better a bit quicker at first but they are also more likely to get sick more often.

Nate Dogg would appreciate this picture

Here is something to arm yourself with the next time you take your child to the doctor – one simple sentence, “Is there any way to safely make my son/daughter feel better without antibiotics?”.

Let us take an active role in our children’s health.

Here is somewhere to learn more: Dr. Mendelsohn’s How To Raise A Healthy Child in Spite of Your Doctor.

Do you have any medical procedures that you think should be added to the list?


Edward L. Schor, MD. Rethinking Well-Child Care. Neoreviews (Official Journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics). Vol 114, No 1. July 2004

10 Facts about Fluoride. Fluoride Action Network Website

Abortion: Dirty Little Secret

Dear God,

Please feed my baby when he is hungry,
And when he is sleepy, could you please hold him close and sing him a song?

When it’s bath time, please wash his face and kiss him when it’s clean,
make sure to put lotion on him and comb his soft hair because I can’t do it right now.

When you hold him in Your arms, please kiss him on his little nose and cuddle his soft cheeks.

When I was younger and went to the doctor, I didnt fully understand the depth of motherhood and a mothers love. I chose to deny your life.

…deny your little arms and legs that I should have kissed and put lotion on... your feet that I should have put little socks on. Your tiny hands that I would have kissed, and would pull my hair. Deny your little heart that should beat strong, day and night while you explore your new world, until you would grow old...

I was supposed to keep you safe and protect you from harm and hurt. I took you from the safest place you could be. I took your life, but not your soul.

Now, I would stop breathing for eternity, to give you your first breath.

You have two little sisters, I must stay here and help them grow. I love you just as much as I love them.

I will meet you very soon –
until then please know that I am sorry and that I didn’t realize how much I love you until it was too late.



P Alderman -

I admit, my honesty does not come easily – my goal in surrendering this secret is to help other women know they are not alone.

I was raised Catholic and went to Catholic schools – in junior high, I was a part of the Right to Life group and volunteered to march in Washington DC to support banning abortions. This background armed me with judgement and the knowledge that abortion was wrong – but it did not arm me to seek out help in an unplanned pregnancy.  Instead, it made a young girl feel shameful of my pregnancy; hiding it – then eventually deciding to terminate it because I felt there was no other option.

How many other girls have a story similar to mine? How can we prevent our daughter from the same path?

Approximately 28% (1 out of 4) of women will decide that abortion is the best option for them when they become pregnant. Facing an unplanned or medically challenged pregnancy, a woman may feel there is no alternative-the pressures of their circumstances are often overwhelming with a lack of support.

Women (and men) can feel very alone and do not always know where to turn for help – I know, I didn’t.

It seems women who know better don’t discuss it (I know I never have, until now – 10 years later). They are in essence keeping a secret that might empower other women from choosing another path.

Many people close to a woman who is in a crisis pregnancy don’t feel comfortable with the decision to abort, but they don’t know what to say.

From my experience, the most helpful response should be, “Don’t have an abortion, I will not abandon you. Together we will find a better way.”

Abortion is viewed as a means to solve their problem –although nothing is said about the problems abortion creates (shame, fear, exteme sadness). Most women do not seek help for abortion-related problems until about 5-12 years afterwards.

If you need help dealing with an abortion, check out Project Rachel.  For over 25 years, Project Rachel has been offering confidential nonjudgmental counseling to help women and men find healing and hope after being involved in an abortion. There are about 140 offices across the country. It costs you nothing to get help.

Give light, and the darkness will disappear of itself

5 Lessons Near-Death Experiences Can Teach Us

They say nothing in life is absolute other then death and taxes.

Over 11 million people have come forward to share their experience with death in what is referred to as near-death experiences; giving us a glimpse of what happens afterward we die.

Many write off these near-death experiences as delusions; simply dismissed as no more than the last twitches of a dying brain. But if you review the research that has been done (and ongoing) regarding consciousness after death it is extremely difficult to refute it. Specifically, published work which involves very strict and rigorous medical criteria for assessing near-death experiences to rule out the possibility that these experiences are due to hallucinations after the brain has collapsed through lack of oxygen or unusual combinations of drugs.   

- - -

How unpredictable death can be; forcing us to face our own insecurities, emotional issues, and relationships.

Some people see the pain and suffering of dying and equate that with death – but they are not the same. Death has the potential to be seen as a progression of life.

During a lifetime many lessons are learned, many about death – here are my thoughts on the lessons that can be learned from these near-death experiences.

I also added excerpts from individuals recounting their near death experience (you can click on the name and read their story in its entirety).

5. There is Purpose

There is a very real purpose for us living this life – it is not random. What is that exactly? Easy - we are here to be loving; do what brings unconditional love.

Humans are actually different aspects of the same being. This being consists of love - the kind of love that cures, heals and regenerates. This is the core of our being. We are all beautiful in our essence, our core. We are very beautiful creations. (Mellen-Thomas Benedict)

Within every human being is perfect love. That is our core - this love, this perfection, this God-ness. (Jayne Smith)

The only thing we take with us at death is the love we have given away while on Earth. (Laurelynn Martin)

4. We Never ‘Leave’ Our Loved Ones

Who doesn’t imagine about how their children or loved ones will fend after they are gone?

Reading testaments from individuals who’ve experienced death, leaving loved ones is not seen as a dilemma because time and space are constructs of the human mind. 

It does not matter that we leave family and friends behind because time becomes irrelevant. It is certain that once we enter the spirit realm, it will be just a blink of the eye before they join us. (Mac Wright)

Time did not make any sense. Time did not seem to apply. It seemed irrelevant. It was unattached to anything, the way I was. Time is only relevant when it is relative to the normal orderly sequential aspects of life. So I was there for a moment or for eternity. I cannot say but it felt like a very long time to me. (Grace Bubulka)

Earthly time has no meaning in the spirit realm. There is no concept of before or after. Everything - past, present, future - exists simultaneously. (Kimberly Clark Sharp)

And then I was Home and I knew it was Home and I wasn't afraid. I saw lots of people I knew, some of whom I've since met, and a lot of whom I knew were "related" but that wasn't what mattered. What mattered was that I KNEW them and they KNEW me and we hadn't said a word. Or, well, we had, sort of, only not SAID. But I have never since been involved in such a joyful welcome, being loved, totally loved. (Michelle Dillon)

3. Don’t Be Afraid to Die
I’m unsure what benefit fear brings when thinking of death, it is something that no one can escape from. Should we not talk about it more openly, learn from others, ultimately embrace it for ourselves?

The fear of dieing is said to be the second biggest fear in North America (second only to public speaking). A lesson that should resonate with us all from NDEs is that we have nothing to fear from death.
Death is like falling asleep or like waking up. We leave one state of consciousness and enter another. (Joni Maggi)

There is nothing worth worrying about - not even death. (Joni Maggi)

If only others could see what I've seen. The world would get on its knees ... The world would be at peace. (Don Brubaker)

If I lived a billion years more, in my body or yours, there's not a single experience on Earth that could ever be as good as being dead. Nothing. (Dr. Dianne Morrissey)

2. Unconditional Love is the Highest Religion

There are about 20 main religions in the world, subdivided into over 270 large religious groups. Religion helps many people to develop their spiritual path. Criticizing religion is not beneficial, they are all precious-each church fulfills spiritual needs of that particular person. However, unconditional love is what is most meaningful.   
There are only two true religions - the religion of love and the religion of fear. (Sandra Rogers)

Doctrine and creed and race mean nothing. No matter what we believe we were all children joined under one God. The only rule is God's true law: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. (May Eulitt)

Near-death accounts suggest that unconditional love is the highest form of religion there is. (Kevin Williams)

1. The Golden Rule – Life Review

One of the most common aspects found in near-death experiences is the life review. It can be described as a re-living of your life events, but not just a simple review – the re-living is done from the point-of-view of the other person. This has been expressed as instantly becoming everyone you have come in contact with during your entire life (feeling their emotions, thinking their thoughts, living their experiences).

What better way to truly learn that what we have done to others – or we have done to ourselves? The Golden Rule.

Another way of looking at it would be to say that the life review we experience after we die demonstrates that there is really only one person in the universe – since every act, every thought, every feeling, every emotion directed at another - - whether a stranger or a friend - - will later be experienced fully by you. Everything we send out, returns.

The life review has been described not as a punishment, but instead of a way to impart understanding to ourselves.  

His life review began by witnessing the initial circumstances that occurred before being born that resulted in him being the person he was. The spirit beings asked David how and why he picked these particular parents. David didn't know where it came from but he told them what they wanted to know. They agreed with him. David picked his parents to help them on their path as well as to achieve his own learning…

David re-experienced his own birth and how he left heaven to become a helpless infant. He experienced his parent's love and their anger. He saw all the good and bad episodes of his life. He felt all of his emotions and the emotions of others he had hurt as well as loved. From all of this he learned that it matters deeply what choices we make on Earth. (David Oakfield

I stepped to my left to watch the review. It occurred in the place where I had been standing. My life appeared before me in the form of what we might consider extremely well defined holograms, but at tremendous speed. I was astonished that I could understand so much information at such a speed. My comprehension included much more than what I remember happening during each event of my life. I not only re-experienced my own emotions at each moment, but also what others around me had felt. I experienced their thoughts and feelings about me. There were times when things became clear to me in a new way. 'Yes,' I would say to myself. 'Oh, yes. Now I see. Well, who would have guessed? But, of course, it makes sense.' Then I saw the disappointment that I had caused others, and I cringed as their feelings of disappointment filled me, compounded by my own guilt. I understood all the suffering I had caused, and I felt it. I began to tremble. I saw how much grief my bad temper had cased, and I suffered this grief. I saw my selfishness, and my heart cried for relief. How had I been so uncaring? …

Then in the midst of my pain, I felt the love of the council come over me. They watched my life with understanding and mercy. Everything about me was taken into consideration, how I was raised, the things I had been taught, the pain given to me by others, the opportunities I had received or not received. And I realized that the council was not judging me. I was judging myself. (Betty Eadie)



These are the lessons I’ve taken from reading these experiences. Even if the skeptic thinks these are only stories brought to us from people who’ve endured physical trama resulting in a common delusion – could it hurt to live more lovingly? Could it hurt to look into the mirror and remind yourself that you are perfectly made?

To love is to receive a glimpse of heaven. (Karen Sunde)

Wan to learn more?

I would like to share with you a near death experience that resonates with me- I hope you enjoy as much as I did.

Jayne Smith: (click here for source)  

Thirty-five years ago, Jayne Smith was in the hospital in labor with her second baby. In the process, she experienced clinical death and had a near-death experience. The following is taken from her video entitled A Moment of Truth where she describes her near-death experience. 

      “I was totally aware. I was in blackness. I couldn't see anything. I was thinking to myself, "This isn't the way it is supposed to be. I'm not supposed to know anything and I do. What on Earth has happened?"

At that point I felt something leave my body. It went up through the top of my head. I could feel it and I could hear it. Just a gentle whoosh. At that point I found myself standing in a kind of gray mist. Then I knew I had died.

The memory of this experience is seared into my very soul. When I found myself standing in this gray mist with the realization that I had died I remembered feeling so overjoyed, so thrilled, because I knew that even though I was what we call "dead", I was still very much alive. Very much alive. I was totally aware. I began to pour out these feelings of thanksgiving. I wasn't doing it verbally, but it seemed that the very essence of me was saying "Thank you, thank you, God for setting it up this way, that I really am immortal. I was not annihilated."

I was involved in this tremendous pouring forth of gratitude and joy and as that was going inside me, this white light began to infiltrate my consciousness. It came into me. It seemed I went out into it. I expanded into it as it came into my field of consciousness. There was nothing I was aware of except this brilliant white light. The light brought with it the most incredible feeling of total love, total safety, total protection. I was just enveloped in it. I remember feeling almost cradled by it. It was so dynamic it was almost palpable.

As I existed in this white light, in this incredible love, I began to be rapturous. The rapture built. The bliss built. My consciousness began to expand with the bliss of it all. Suddenly there came into my field of consciousness an entire field of knowledge It was like a whole block of knowledge that just simply came in and settled itself on me. I knew, what takes several sentences to tell, but it didn't come in several sentences - it came all in one piece. What I knew was that I was immortal, that I was eternal, that I was indestructible, that I always had been, that I always will be, and that there was no way in this world I could ever be lost.It was impossible for me to fall into a crack in the universe somewhere and never be heard from again. I just knew that I was utterly safe and I always had been forever and ever.

When that block of knowledge was digested by me, as it were, another block of knowledge came in. A whole field of knowledge came in to my being and what I knew then was that the universe runs according to a perfect plan. I knew that the plan was perfect. Everything that we think about as being hard to understand or unfair or cruel or whatever, that was really all without meaning. I know that is very difficult, but I knew this. I understood it. I comprehended it in a way that when I came back from the experience I really couldn't comprehend anymore. I understood that all of the things that we worry about and concern us, we really don't have to worry about at all. There is a perfect plan and the plan is working itself out in its perfection.

Then I simply remember I became more blissful, more rapturous, more ecstatic. I was just filling and filling with this light and love that was in the light. The dynamics of this light are not static at all. They are so dynamic and so much going on in there of love and joy and knowledge. As you take it into yourself, or as it goes into you and you receive it, your ecstasy level just becomes tremendous.

I knew that I had lost all sense of having a body. It was just my consciousness, sort of pure and free floating, and I did not think at all during this part of the experience. I had no thoughts. I was a receiving station. I merely felt and absorbed and took in and did not think at all. I reached the point in the rapture of it all where I thought to myself suddenly, the first thought.

"I wonder how much more of this I can stand before I shatter?"

With that thought, the light began to recede. So, the universe will not let us shatter. We cannot take in more of this bliss and joy than we are able to handle at a time.

As the light began to recede, the rapture that I had built up also began to dissipate. For a couple of seconds, I could not remember what was going on. I remember thinking to myself, "I don't know how I got here. I can't remember what's going on." I didn't know if I had been in that light for a minute of a day or a hundred years. I think the force of all that energy just produced a condition in me of amnesia for a couple of seconds. But that was not allowed to last very long either.

Within a second or two, I found myself standing in an absolutely beautiful green meadow. I knew then what was going on. I knew once again who I was, that I had died. My amnesia period was over with.
I stood there in this gorgeous meadow and I remember that the light there was different from the light here on Earth. Though it was not that brilliant white light in which I was involved, it was a more beautiful light. There was a goldenness to this light. I remember the sky was very blue. I don't recall seeing the sun. The colors were extraordinary. The green of the meadow was fantastic. The flowers were blooming all around and they had colors that I had never seen before. I was very aware that I had never seen these colors before and I was very excited about it.

I thought I had seen all colors. I was thrilled to death of the beauty that was incredible. In addition to the beautiful colors, I could see a soft light glowing within every living thing. It was not a light that was reflected from the outside from a source, but it was coming from the center of this flower. Just this beautiful, soft light. I think I was seeing the life inside of everything.

When I finished looking at this exquisite beauty, I started to walk. I had only taken a few steps before I saw that there was in front of me a hill, a low hill. There were perhaps 18 to 20 people standing on the hill. They were dressed in robes, very simple, I suppose Grecian type robes. They were also in all these beautiful colors. There were men and women - more men than women I don't know why. I thought about this a little bit, but there were both men and women there. There was no one that I knew, but then I had no close emotional ties on the other side so it is not surprising that there was no one there that I knew.

I felt to myself, "Oh, I want to talk with them." It seemed that immediately I was there on the top of the hill. I don't know whether I was able to just glide there effortlessly or whether I only had to think I wanted to be there and I was there. What I do remember was that I did not have to climb the hill. There was no effort involved in this.

I said to them, "I know what has happened. I realize that I am dead. I know what's going on."

One man in the group did all the talking to me. He was quite tall, taller than the rest. I remember the robe he was wearing was purple. He had a white fringe of hair that went around his head. The top of his head was bald. He had an absolute marvelous face. It was very noble, very kind, what we would think of as a very spiritual face. He also had about him a great deal of authority, so that I felt I was talking to someone that I could trust completely.

When I said to him, "I know what's going on. I know that I have died," he said, "Yes, that's true, but you are not going to be staying here. It isn't time for you to be here yet."

I must tell you that when we talked, we did not move our mouths. I can remember that I only had to have the impulse that contained the things that I wanted to say and he would immediately be able to get that and answer me. Even though he was not moving his mouth when he talked with me, I could hear the sound of his voice in my inner ear. I know what he sounded like. It was a mental transmission, yet I could hear what he sounded like. For a long, long time, I could remember the sound of his voice.

I said to him again, "Everything that has happened to me since I crossed over is so beautiful. Everything is so perfect. What about my sins?"

He said, "There are no sins, not the way you think of them on Earth. The only thing that has any meaning here is what you think."

Then he asked me a question. "What is in your heart?"

Then in some incredible way that I don't understand at all, I was able to look deeply inside myself, really into the very core of me to my essence. I saw that what was there was love, nothing else. My core was perfect love, loving perfection. I had complete love and acceptance for everything. I saw my own gentleness, tenderness, harmlessness. I simply was perfect and loving.

I said to him, "Of course!" I felt I was connecting with knowledge that I had known before. I wondered how on Earth had I forgotten anything that important. I have known that.

I said, "Can you tell me what everything is all about - the whole world - everything?"

He said, "Yes."

He told me in only three sentences at the most. It was so simple. I understood that immediately. I had total comprehension of what he was saying to me. I remember again saying to him, "Of course!" Then there was that feeling again of connecting with knowledge I had once had. I wondered how on Earth did I forget that.

I said to him, "Since I am not going to be able to stay, there are so many people I want to take this back to. May I take this all back with me?"

He said, "You may take the answer to the first question back, the one about sins. But the answer to the second one, you are not going to be able to remember."

The next thing I knew, there was a tremendous banging in my head. It was loud, it was fast, and it was extremely irritating. It went on for just a few seconds - a loud bang, bang, bang, bang. Then that was over and there was a sort of electronic click in my ear. I will never forget the sound of that click because I remember thinking that it sounded almost like a tape recorder. When the click clicked, that was it, I was back and I opened my eyes. My doctor was standing over me and he was doing something that was extremely uncomfortable.

After the experience, I have never been able to remember the specific two or three sentences I was told. I have tried and I have tried for years after this experience to make a concerted effort to try, especially after I went to bed at night, when I would be lying there in that not quite asleep state. And I never could. Finally, I just stopped trying to do that.

But, I do think I know what he was telling me even though I cannot recall the actual two or three sentences. I know that it has to do with love. I believe it has to do with what I was enabled to see when he said, "What is in your heart?" I looked inside myself and saw that I was perfect love.

Now this does not apply to just me. It applies to all human beings. That is what we are. That is our core. This love, this perfection, this God-ness. I believe that what it is all about is that the world will keep turning and we will have all these experiences and it will go on forever and ever and ever.”